The Way I Loved You
by clarinet-alto-4ever
Summary: Lyra ponders over the future. Can she let go of Will and move on with her life? One-shot.


A/N: This is my first dapple into HDM fanfiction. I haven't read them in about a year and that's when this was started, but I thought I'd wrap it up. Don't know that I like it though . . . oh well. I added the song at the last minute because I thought it fit decently.

Disclaimer: I don't own Phillip Pullman's HDM or Taylor Swift's "The Way I Loved You"

_He is sensible and so incredible  
And all my single friends are jealous  
He says everything I need to hear and it's like  
I couldn't ask for anything better  
He opens up my door and I get into his car  
And he says you look beautiful tonight  
And I feel perfectly fine_

Lyra Silvertongue thought about what was inevitably going to be asked of her tonight. She hadn't the slightest clue how to answer this question.

Furthermore, she didn't really have anyone to ask for advice on the particular subject. Everyone around her had their decisions made for them. It was only because of the events of six years ago did she have any say in the matter. No one in their right mind would dare try to tell her what to do. Everyone knew she was on very friendly terms with Iorek, King of the Bears.

Lyra sighed deeply. She wanted to say yes. She really did, but every time she imagined herself giving an enthusiastic yes while she smiled brightly, _he_ appeared in her mind.

Her thoughts drifted back to the last time she saw him. She shook her head. No, she mustn't think of this right now.

But it couldn't be helped. After pacing about her room, she decided to head to her favorite spot at Jordan College.

_  
[Chorus]  
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name  
You're so in love that you act insane  
And that's the way I loved you  
Breakin' down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kinda rush  
And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you_

The leaves were beautiful reds, oranges, browns, and yellows and the season slowly shifted from the hot summer to the cold winter that was preparing to strike. Lyra took in a deep breath of the crisp autumn air as she hesitantly made her way to the spot.

It was this spot that six years ago, she and Will had agreed would be _their_ spot. It existed in both their worlds and therefore they could both go there and know the other could be there too, thinking of them.

Lyra sat down on the bench, thinking about so many things. The last time she had seen Will was a tearful goodbye. Finally realizing what love really was, they had had it taken away from them.

And now, with the possibility of a new love on the horizon, Lyra only had one question for herself. Could she put the past behind her and allow herself to love once again?

Many young men had courted her over the past couple of years. They were kind and gentle, but none of them could keep up with her wild spirit like Will could. None could contain her wild spirit like Will could either.

One by one they moved on, realizing there was no way they could ever marry Lyra, but now there was this one who had not left yet. James had planned an elaborate dinner for them tonight and some of Lyra's friends had hinted at what was to come. Could she say yes? She hadn't allowed herself to get too emotionally attached to any of them up until now. They had all left her anyway.

And then _he_ can along and changed all that.

She couldn't begrudge James for the amazing man he was. He was always attentive to her needs and truly listened to her. He was almost too good to be true, but there he was like a knight in shining armor.

_He respects my space and never makes me wait  
And he calls exactly when he says he will  
He's close to my mother, talks business with my father  
He's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable_

_[Chorus]  
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name  
You're so in love that you act insane  
And that's the way I loved you  
Breakin' down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kinda rush  
And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you_

_Are you there, Will? Can you hear me?_

Silenced denied an answer to her question. She continued to address the invisible Will out loud.

"I don't know what to do, Will. He wants to marry me. He wants to make a life with me. He . . . he wants to do everything that we wanted to do together."

It was at this realization that the tears that had been building up slowly began to trickle down her cheeks. She just sat and cried for awhile. She cried for everything that she had hoped for in that short time she had known Will. She cried for everything that could be with James. As the tears slowed down, she realized what she had to do.

"Will? I know deep in my heart you can hear me. I have to say goodbye, Will. I can't hold on to you any longer, but this doesn't mean I will ever forget you. You will always be my first love with a special place in my heart, but I have to move on. You should move on too if you haven't already. Somehow I hope you have though. In some twisted way I'd feel better if you had moved on already. Then I wouldn't be the first one."

A chilly autumn breeze blew through her hair. In it she felt comfort. She felt solace. It seemed to her that Will was whispering his acceptance of her short confession. As she dried her tearstained cheeks, she stood up and walked. She didn't walk away from the past. She walked towards the future.

_  
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name  
I'm so in love that I acted insane  
And that's the way I loved you  
Breaking down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kinda rush  
And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh_

_And that's the way I loved you oh, oh  
Never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you_

In her heart she knew everything would be alright.


End file.
